Scratch (programming language)

Scratch is a website created by the United States government that, while claiming to help children code, actually brainwashes them into playing on it until they dance like they've never danced before to produce energy units. Its mascot, the Scratch Cat, scratches children. Scratch only exists if specific conditions are met.

History
In 1969, Jeff Goldblum created Scratch because he was having trouble coding in Unix version 0.0.0.0.0.1. His idea was well-recieved in Florida, so he moved his business there. In 1970, Scratch was officially unveiled at the University of Florida. But in 1972, a 2-year-old Matthew Liliard uploaded a project that was so terrible, everyone quit Scratch until 2007, when the Massachusetts government revived it. In 2008, the Scratch Team announced its plan for world domination. They literally stated that "we will collect your personal data."

Experimental Viewer
The Experimental Viewer was a top-secret government project to monitor everyone in the world. In 2010, WikiLeaks stole the files for it, hacked the MIT website, and put them up. In March of 2011, however, the Experimental Viewer blew up the headquarters of MIT in Antarctica, and MIT threw it into the river in Lego City.

Location
In 2010, the FBI raided MIT headquarters and shot every cat there. Every one of them died except for Garfield (he became a little messed up, but he's fine). To prevent another event like this happening, the dominant cats became the new Scratch Team and moved to Antarctica, despite claiming to still be at MIT.

Scratch UI
Scratch has an online project editor since 2013 when Scratch was stolen by Adobe. In 2019, the Scratch Team stole Scratch back and turned it into a lame HTML5 player. Scratch has Legos you can snap together to make cats do stuff.

Green Flag
In 2007, the Scratch Team stole the national flag of Libya to use in Scratch. The Libyan government continually launched DDoS attacks against the US government until 2011, when the mentally unstable ruler of Libya was beheaded and Libya got a new flag. The Green Flag is used to start the data extraction tools disguised as user-made projects.

When Does Scratch Exist?
Scratch exists if Gobo gets a black eye by a stampede of wild tigers between 3:55 and 4:00 AM on New Year's Day during a diamond blizzard in the North Pole and the Scratch Cat is in the Massachusetts Institute of Technology making virtual toast on a Friday. There.

Scratch Hierarchy

 * Scratch Team, a group of kittens that scratch people.
 * Scratcher, a person that scratches things.
 * New Scratcher, a person that has recently started scratching things and has therefore joined the Scratch cult.
 * Non-Scratcher, a person that does not scratch things.

Scratch Team
The Scratch Team, as stated above, is a group of kittens that scratch people. Their ultimate plan is to destroy every other programming language and take over the world. However, they need about 9,876,543,456,789,987,548,493,287,456,489,324,857,843,984,574,839 energy units to accomplish this. To do so, the Scratch Team hacks your house grid to steal your electricity. This gives them 345,678,976,543 energy units per second. They also steal your personal information to get 987,658,498,573,492 more energy units. Unfortunately, the US government raided MIT in 2009 and stole their viruses to combat North Korea. MIT partnered with Orange Super Why to continue to steal your personal information. As a result, in September 2020, China banned Scratch for accidentally helping the US government because MIT stole the personal information of everyone in China.

How to get rid of the Scratch Team
Below is a plan to get rid of Scratch by ScratchX. So far, no one has been bold enough to execute it.
 * Hire Russian hackers to launch a DDoS attack against the Massachusetts government website and hack every future US election.
 * Round up every cat in the world.
 * Shoot every single one of them at will (except for obese orange ones named Garfield or Garfielf).

Scratch Wiki
The Scratch Wiki is a wiki dedicated to how awesome Scratch is. Anyone who posts "Scratch SUX!!!!!!!!!111!!1!11111!!!!!!11!!1!1!!!!1" will be fed to the giant evil kumquat.

April Fools
Current hour is

How Do I Become a Scratcher?
Scratch any MIT undergraduate at least once every day for 14 days. Congratulations, you're a scratcher!

But how do I delete my account!?
Sneak into MIT and throw a server into the river in Lego City. If your account returns a 404 error, you're good! If not, rinse and repeat.

Tutorials

 * How to Create a Fibonacci Number Generator