Scratch (programming language)

Scratch is a website created by the United States government that, while claiming to help children code, actually brainwashes them into playing on it until they dance like they've never danced before to produce energy units. Its mascot, the Scratch Cat, scratches children, of course. Scratch only exists if specific conditions are met.

History
Back in the 1300s, some random cats created an abacus using wood. This would become the beginning of Scratch. However, in the 1340s, the people of Europe, sick of a virus that may or may not be related to COVID-19, killed every cat they could find, including the son of the founder of Scratch and Garfield's great-great-great-great-great-grandfather. In the 1600s, a French cat named Blaise Pascal invented a computer that ran on paper. However, in the 1940s, enviromentalists demanded that the then-current Scratch Team switch to using electricity. This wasn't possible until 1947, when Garfield's grandfather invented transistors.

In 1969, Jeff Goldblum found out about Scratch and decided to create it again because he was having trouble coding in Unix version 0.0.0.0.0.3. His idea was well-recieved in Florida, so he moved his business there. In 1970, Scratch was officially unveiled at the University of Florida. But in 1972, a 2-year-old Matthew Liliard uploaded a project that was so terrible, everyone quit Scratch until 1999, when the Massachusetts government revived it.

In the 9/11 attacks of 2001, Saudi Arabian terrorists blew up MIT and killed every cat there. In 2008, the Scratch Team announced its plan for world domination. They literally stated that "we will collect your personal data and stalk you with it, you bastard!. [sick]" That same year, a user named kaj hacked everyone's Scratch account (except for the ST's) and stole their personal information. Kaj was quickly made a ST member. Later, kaj deleted his Scratch account because he was sick and tired of Scratchers complaining about their personal information being stolen.

Experimental Viewer
The Experimental Viewer was a top-secret government project to monitor everyone in the world. In 2010, WikiLeaks stole the files for it, hacked the MIT website, and put them up. In March of 2011, however, MIT threw it into the river in Lego City, due to it blowing up the headquarters of MIT in Antarctica and erasing random YouTube videos from existence.

The End
Within the next few years, a combination of the talents of every communist country will hack every account and destroy every server related to Scratch. Then, in 2069, the US government will blow up the headquarters of Scratch, and Soviet Russia and North Korea will launch 89 heat nukes toward Antarctica and Greenland, thus melting all of the ice and snow in the world. Then, there will be a worldwide movement to kill every cat in the world by any means necessary, ensuring that there will be no Scratch Team. Afterwards, the planet will slowly heat up until its oceans evaporate, and it becomes too hot to support life. In another 4.5 billion years, the Sun will expand and swallow Earth.

Eventually, the universe will collapse into itself and die, and a new one will be formed. 13.8 billion years after that, the cycle of Scratchicide will repeat.

Location
In 2009, the FBI raided MIT headquarters and shot every cat there. Every one of them died except for Garfield (he became a little messed up, but he's fine). To prevent another event like this happening, the dominant cats became the new Scratch Team and moved to Antarctica, despite claiming to still be at MIT.

Scratch UI
Scratch has an online project editor since 2013 when Scratch was stolen by Adobe. In 2019, the Scratch Team stole Scratch back and turned it into a lame HTML5 player. Scratch has Legos you can snap together to make cats do stuff.

Green Flag
In 2007, the Scratch Team stole the national flag of Libya to use in Scratch. The Libyan government continually launched DDoS attacks against the US government until 2011, when the mentally unstable ruler of Libya was beheaded and Libya got a new flag. The Green Flag is used to start the data extraction tools disguised as user-made projects.

Backpack
Every Scratcher has a backpack to hoard assets from other people's projects. Only one Scratcher has hoarded 1,000,000+ assets, though: conveniently, his name is Backpack.

____________ ____ ___
The Disappearing Text Bug is a bug that affects the Windows version of Scratch. Here is how to fix it.
 * 1) Throw out your Windows computer and buy a Chromebook.
 * 2) Install Scratch on it.

Ta-da! You just fixed the bug!

Making Scratch Crash
WARNING: This generates a 404 error.

Put Scratch into a boat with Spongebob.



Community Guidelines
The community guidelines are a set of rules put in place to endanger the children and 0.1% of the adults who use Scratch. They are the following:
 * Be disrespectful. Flame war, call everyone names, and insult all of their projects!
 * Be unconstructive. Just say that their project is shit!
 * Don't share. No sharing allowed! Steal everything! Don't give credit!
 * Share your personal info. Yeah, it's totally safe. We require you to give out any information that other Scratchers can use for private communication. This includes real last names, phone numbers, house addresses, email addresses, links to social media sites, or websites with unmoderated chat. Wait...
 * Be dishonest. Impersonate other Scratchers, spread rumors, and trick the community!
 * The site is unfriendly, and it shall remain so. If you think a project or comment is mean, insulting, too violent, or otherwise inappropriate, too bad. Deal with it, faggot homosexual person!
 * Sex! Sex! Lots of sex! Put naked anime girls in all your projects, or you will be banned.

Scratch Hierarchy

 * Scratch Team, a group of kittens that scratch people.
 * Scratcher, a person that scratches things.
 * New Scratcher, a person that has recently started scratching things and has therefore joined the Scratch cult.
 * Non-Scratcher, a person that does not scratch things.

Scratch Team
The Scratch Team, as stated above, is a group of kittens that scratch people. Their ultimate plan is to destroy every other programming language and take over the world. However, they need about 9,876,543,456,789,987,548,493,287,456,489,324,857,843,984,574,839 energy units to accomplish this. To do so, the Scratch Team hacks your house grid to steal your electricity. This gives them 345,678,976,543 energy units per second. They also steal your personal information to get 987,658,498,573,492 more energy units. Unfortunately, the US government raided MIT in 2009 and stole their viruses to combat North Korea. MIT partnered with Orange Super Why to continue to steal your personal information. As a result, in August 2020, China banned Scratch for accidentally helping the US government because MIT stole the personal information of everyone in China.

The Scratch Team hates Intel procesors.

How to get rid of the Scratch Team
Below is a plan to get rid of Scratch by ScratchX. So far, no one has been bold enough to execute it.
 * Hire Russian hackers to launch a DDoS attack against the Massachusetts government website and hack every future US election.
 * Round up every cat in the world.
 * Shoot every single one of them at will (except for obese orange ones named Garfield or Garfielf).

National Anthem
Here is the national anthem of Scratch:

"Never gonna give you up

Never gonna let you down

Never gonna run around and desert you

Never gonna make you cry

Never gonna say goodbye

Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you"

- Rick Astley

Scratch Forums
The Scratch Forums are places where you can flame war against other people. Here are some of them:
 * Suggestions: This is where users suggest things that get rejected anyway.
 * Questions about Scratch: See below.
 * Other Languages: “其他語言”論壇是Scratch論壇中的一個論壇，在Scratchs中，Scratchers可以使用英語以外的其他語言以及為該語言論壇指定的語言來討論Scratch. 該論壇適用於Scratch社區中使用最稀少的語言.
 * Topic 412: Topic 412 is a secret topic where the Scratch Team put their trash in. Trash includes deleted forum posts, comments from the main website, and other trash.

Scratch Wiki
"IT TEH WIKI OF CRAZZY AWSOMENESS!!!! OMGGGGG!!!!! ITS 2 EPIC 4 WERDS!!!! SPONSERED BY WOBBLE CAT"

- Kaj

The Scratch Wiki was a wiki dedicated to mustard thoughts how awesome Scratch is. Anyone who posted "Scratch SUX!!!!!!!!!111!!1!11111!!!!!!11!!1!1!!!!1" on it would be banned forever and fed to the giant evil kumquat. However, this Scratch Wiki doesn't exist anymore, so another wiki of the same name was started. However, it has a lot of errors in its pages, and the users and admins have no idea how to fix them. Here is one of their articles.

April Fools
Current hour is

Questions about Scratch
Here is a Q&A session about Scratch, hosted by the forum of the same name!

When Does Scratch Exist?
Scratch exists if Gobo gets a black eye by a stampede of wild tigers between 3:55 and 4:00 AM on New Year's Day during a diamond blizzard in the North Pole and the Scratch Cat is in the Massachusetts Institute of Technology making virtual toast on a Friday. There.

How Do I Become a Scratcher?
Scratch any MIT undergraduate at least once every day for 14 days. Congratulations, you're a Scratcher!

But how do I delete my account!?
Sneak into MIT and throw a server into the river in Lego City. If your account returns a 404 error, you're good! If not, rinse and repeat.

How much does Scratch cost?
$77,673,638,638,782,772,731,454,444,836,383,673,738,362,277,272,862,868,268,378,363,827,287,383,738,272,827,286,283,783,738,292,792,727,383,733,233,237,555,555,555,828,373,7327833.89. Just round it to $∞.

Why is Scratch banned in China?
For a long time, Scratch was exempt from the Great Firewall of China, mostly because of the large number of recreations of Chinese bootleg games on it. But Taiwan hated Scratch. On August 11, 2020, the Taiwanese government hacked the location dropdown of Scratch users and added "Taiwan", "Hong Kong", and "Macau". Taiwan hated China, but it hated Scratch more. Someone in China noticed and made a video about it. Three days later, the Chinese government's secret files mysteriously vanished, and Scratch was banned in China. But don't worry! Scratch is still available in China. Here's how to access it:
 * 1) Download ExpressVPN. It is important that you do NOT open it yet. If you do, it will not work.
 * 2) Buy a copy of Sonic Adventure 7 and finish it seven times.
 * 3) Send an army of 1,000,000 Chinese soldiers to Taiwan and have them forcibly take over the island and rape its citizens.
 * 4) Go back to China and make a video of how the Chinese government successfully conquered Taiwan.
 * 5) Buy an iQue, boot it up, and select Super Mario 64.
 * 6) Collect 64 stars (make sure you collect "Watch for Rolling Rocks" in 0.5 A presses) and run around the statue in the courtyard 2,401 times.
 * 7) Finally, open up ExpressVPN and change your location to the United States.

If you followed the instructions correctly, Scratch will work! If it doesn't, follow the instructions correctly (except for steps 3 and 4, since if you didn't follow those incorrectly, Taiwan would be part of China. Unless...).

Why do you wanna take over the world!?
No one must know. Hold still while i shoot you...

What is the purpose of Scratch!?!?
I don't know. Does it have a purpose?

Tutorials

 * How to Create a Fibonacci Number Generator